Monday, March 21, 2011

Opportunism vs. Friendship, Personal Tale


Today, I had to make a choice which I have not made before, one requiring the application of my personal principles in a setting unusual to my life. I want to reflect on that choice, particularly because I know that in the future I might have to make it again.
First, the setup. In my university, there is this extra-curricular club. Its purpose is to improve public speaking abilities of its members: an innate strength of mine which I actively attempt to take to further heights. The club taps into an interest of mine I had from grade 5; it’s as if it was built for me. The first and only meeting I went to got me very excited about becoming a member.
I never ended up becoming such. One of my friends, for the purpose of confidentiality – Amanda, decided that she is uncomfortable with me joining. She was already a member and threatened to leave the club if I joined, upon the preposition of shyness. I understood and abandoned the club, like I think a good friend should. I gave her the green light and gave up the club I liked the most of all I have been in so far. It was worth it though, for the sacrifice has been done for a close friend.
My plan was to join the beloved club in the next year. To make up for lost time, I was going to apply for an executive position. I wanted to become executive of this club specifically because it is something I feel passionate about, something I really want to commit to. I also see it as one of the few opportunities for me to make it on an executive team anywhere, because I have not been too active in any clubs or societies and do not like most of the ones offered.
Well, these plans were also meant to go down the garbage aisle. Amanda messaged me on Skype, asking to help her on her application. I expressed full willingness to help her in whatever way I can. When I proclaimed that I want to apply as well, Amanda encouraged me to go ahead if I want but if I will go ahead then she will drop out. Same reason, a random streak of shyness – not present in any other classes or activities we have together. Again!!
I was faced with a dilemma. Take the opportunity which I wanted more than her, or give the opportunity to her who was there first, and who was my friend.
There were a plethora of reasons for me to deny the opportunity to her and just take it. I believe that rewards go to those who grab them. Those who are not adaptable enough – miss out. I believe that friends should not obstruct ways for each other [which either one of the choices would do], they let the best one win and pull the other one up. I am also more passionate about the club. I may not get another chance to satisfy my ambitions of becoming an executive in another club, a fear of mine. Finally, as suggested by Amanda herself and probably because of the reasons above – the club will probably benefit more with me in the position.
I made the decision to once again step down. I let my friends stay, despite the fact that she practically pushed me out of the competition that way. Why? My personal philosophy, supported by my Christian religion, is that interests of others come before one’s own. You should gravitate away from selfish decisions (sin) towards the selfless ones. This friend of mine, Amanda – has a special status which has been granted by me to only five/six non-family members so far, in my entire memory. This status is one that is based on gratitude (feeling on which the strongest bonds within me are built), and is one in which the person’s interests take an almost absolute priority over mine, and to whose success I have a goal of actively contributing despite the self-harm that might inflict. Basically, to summarize: vast sacrifice, something I grew to be particularly fond of throughout my lifetime. Such a status required me giving away the possibility of my own growth for hers, and it is worth it 700%. Last mentioned but not the least was my desire for her to succeed. I really do wish her the best and if she gets the position – that will be a step towards that best. I’ll figure something out for myself.
I made a choice of friend over opportunity. I am sure it was a right choice. Opportunity was big, friendship would be unhindered if I took it, but I still made the right choice. I absolutely do not blame Amanda for her feeling shy about me being in the club – it’s just what is natural her. I wish her best of luck in attaining what I believe she can - the executive position.

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